Archive - Xiaobian Poet

Bipolar Guilt Taught Me to Disappear Before She Could Choose to Stay.

I feared my darkness would swallow her light, so I locked her out.

Jul 16 • Xiaobian Poet

Too Serious to Be Friends. Too Careful to Be Lovers.

There is exactly one centimeter between us. Neither of us has ever crossed it.

Jul 15 • Xiaobian Poet

I Deleted 29 Almosts for Him. He Still Wouldn't Give Us a Name.

He never knew there was a number. I did.

Jul 12 • Xiaobian Poet

I Only Let Myself Rest After a Bipolar Episode

I wasn’t waiting to feel tired. I was waiting for pain to prove I had earned the right to stop.

Jul 9 • Xiaobian Poet

He Said I Was Overthinking. I Had Never Felt More Alone.

Before he dismissed my feelings, I had already learned to do it for him.

Jul 8 • Xiaobian Poet

A Professional People-Pleaser’s Resignation Letter

For nine years, I kept score in smiles, checkmarks, and apologies I never owed.

Jul 5 • Xiaobian Poet

I Have Bipolar Disorder. Sometimes Happiness Feels Like a Warning.

Joy was no longer a gift. It was something I had to monitor.

Jul 2 • Xiaobian Poet

Friendship Is Harder to End Than Love

Love gives you permission to lose your composure. Friendship teaches you to stay polite while it breaks.

Jul 1 • Xiaobian Poet

June 2026

I Was Jealous of the Life He Didn’t Need Me For

What scared me wasn’t losing him. It was losing the proof that I was worth staying for.

Jun 28 • Xiaobian Poet

Depression Made Me Disappear for Three Months. Coming Back Was Harder.

I thought surviving depression would bring me back to my old life. I didn’t know the world would keep moving without me.

Jun 25 • Xiaobian Poet

He Apologized. I Lost My Right to Stay Hurt.

The hardest thing to say was not “I don’t forgive you.” It was “I know you’re sorry, but I’m still hurt.”

Jun 24 • Xiaobian Poet

I Thought I Was Her Safe Place. I Didn’t Know I Needed Her to Need Me.

A friendship can feel like care until being needed becomes the only proof you still matter.

Jun 21 • Xiaobian Poet

#nojs-banner { position: fixed; bottom: 0; left: 0; padding: 16px 16px 16px 32px; width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; background: red; color: white; font-family: -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 13px; } #nojs-banner a { color: inherit; text-decoration: underline; } This site requires JavaScript to run correctly. Please turn on JavaScript or unblock scripts