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AËLA's avatar

They labeled every feeling.

Until they no longer had to.

They had already learned

to do it

to themselves.

— AËLA

Xiaobian Poet's avatar

Thank you for distilling the wound so precisely. The most frightening part was not only being interpreted by others, but learning to enter their interpretation before my own feelings had time to speak. Eventually, the labels no longer needed their voices. They had become an inner subtitle beneath every emotion.

Your final turn—“to themselves”—felt devastatingly exact. For me, healing has meant trying to meet a feeling before the diagnosis does, and asking whether it might simply be grief, anger, joy, or hurt before it becomes evidence. Thank you for giving the piece such a quiet, piercing echo.

Amiraan's avatar

Listening to this while reading it. This is one of the most brutally intense, raw and vulnerable pieces I've read in quite a while. Absolutely gut wrenching how a diagnosis completely dismissed your feelings and was blamed for every mood. I hope you've found common ground with your family now. I hope they are more understanding and I truly hope that they've reflected on how disastrous their attitude was towards you while you were trying to weather the storm at such a young age.

Xiaobian Poet's avatar

Thank you for reading this with such care. What hurt most was not only that bipolar disorder was blamed for every feeling—it was that the diagnosis began speaking before I could. Anger, grief, even ordinary hurt entered the room already translated into symptoms, and over time, I began to distrust my own emotional language.

Your hope for my family and me means more than I can say. I think common ground, when it comes, is less about proving which feelings were “real” and more about allowing me to be a person before I am a diagnosis. Thank you for seeing the younger version of me who was trying to weather the storm, not cause it.

siyaa's avatar

My heart hurt reading this. Thank you for putting something so difficult into words, wishing you gentle day ahead <33

Xiaobian Poet's avatar

Thank you, Siyaa. Writing this made me realize how quietly you can begin doubting your own feelings when every expression is treated as evidence. Your gentleness reached me today — wishing the same back to you. 🤍